Waiting for AF

Today, I'm thoroughly convinced that this cycle was a bust. Maybe it's just my defense mechanism taking over, but it feels like af is on her way. According to the opk's and my bbt chart, I did at least o this cycle. My boobs still hurt, my lower back is aching and my lower stomach keeps cramping. In previous o cycles, I started spotting around 12-13 dpo and af arrived in full force on 14-15 dpo. No spotting yet, but I keep running to the bathroom to check. When I went to the grocery this morning, I considered buying a test since I'm planning to test tomorrow or Monday, but I just couldn't bring myself to do it. I hate the excitement of thinking that "this may be our month" and the emotional let-down that follows. I hate watching Matt get all giddy talking about being a dad and nearly cry every time he rubs my belly in hopes that there's someone in there. I hate analyzing every possible symptom/sign--"Do my boobs hurt more or differently this month? Better check my notes from previous cyles because I don't remember having cm like this before. Were my temps this high last month?" I know that someday, I will have a beautiful child. I know that there's hope, but sometimes, I just need to grieve the loss of the "what if's".

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Just Waiting to Test

Well, after my near nervous breakdown last weekend, I'm looking forward to a relaxing (ha!) holiday. I'm now 12 dpo and am waiting until Sunday (14 dpo) or Monday (15 dpo) to test. Based on my previous cycles, I usually start to spot around 12-13 dpo and af arrives full force around 14 dpo. No spotting yet, just creamy cm. I'm having some of my typical 2ww symptoms--sore bb's, slight nausea, mild cramps and a lower backache. Mother Nature sure has a sick sense of humor, doesn't she?!?! Anyway, I'm a little nervous about testing this weekend. It would be the perfect time to get a bfp as Monday is the 8 year anniversary of my father's passing. I could defnitely use some good news to change the mood of the day.

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I was so sure...

It's cd 12 and I was thoroughly convinced that I would get a bfp today. My nipples have ached for nearly a week, though usually my entire bb's hurt. I've had some minor lower back pain and a full feeling in my stomach for the past couple of days. I almost threw up on the way home from work today. And...I got another bfn.

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How long do Clomid side effects last?

I'm now on cd23 and am STILL nauseus! Odd smells and the thought of certain foods make me queasy. It's WAY too early for these to be pg symptoms so I'm sure that they're connected to the Clomid. How long do the side effects last? Maybe it's just my body adjusting to the correct ratios of hormones, but I feel like crap...

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