Say a Prayer for Us

Tomorrow is my first appointment with the RE in two years. Although I absolutely loved my OB/GYN, I realized that it was time to move on--six months of clomid/metformin were enough to determine that the combination wasn't working. I'm nervous...but I'm prepared to waltz into the office and beg for femara. AF should arrive tonight or tomorrow, so I'm praying that we'll be able to begin really trying again this coming cycle. Matt and I are going to give it another year and if we aren't able to conceive by then, we're going to begin the adoption process. Say a prayer for us. We know that we're meant to have children, but we aren't sure yet how God plans to bring them into our lives.

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Here I go, Here I go, Here I go again

It's been a long time since my last post...so much life has happened since then. Matt's dad has finally finished chemo and radiation and returns to the dr. on the 13th for a scan to determine the treatment's success. Shortly after his diagnosis, my grandmother suffered a massive stroke. Since then, Matt and I have divided our time between work, my family, his family and home (and yes, in that particular order). My grandmother has been out of the hospital for about 3 weeks but is unable to move back home with my 90 year old grandfather. She's been living with Mom's sister Ruth while the rest of us rotate between staying with my grandfather or with my grandmother while Ruth works. In another week, Grandma will be moving in with my mom for a long term visit. Hopefully, things have finally settled down.

On a more positive note, Matt and I have finally decided that it's time to buy/build a home of our own. Since we married 3 years ago, we've rented a small house from one of my aunts. Dirt cheap rent has been great, but we just don't have room in our current house for a baby.

After 6 failed clomid/metformin cycles, I've finally decided to return to the RE. I love my regular OB/GYN, but she's not familiar enough with PCOS/infertility to move past the clomid phase. So, on 11/13, I will return to University Clinic to see Dr. X. That decision has been a difficult one. For those of you who have read my very first post, University Clinic was where I saw Resident Dr. P. who was a complete and total jackass. Dr. P. has finally completed his residency and has moved on to bigger and better things in a different state. THANK GOODNESS! Anyway, Dr. X was wonderful during my visits there--he actually specializes in PCOS treatment. Even better news is that the Clinic is an approved provider through my health insurance company. Now, they still won't cover infertility tests, diagnoses or treatments, but since we already have a diagnosis, everything directly related to MY health and PCOS will be covered. My hope is that we can try femara/metformin for a few cycles and then see what his recommendations are if that doesn't work. I'm a little nervous since we will have to pay out of pocket for any IUI's, ultrasounds, etc., but I hope that the billing clerk will be able to outline the charges for those services so we can prepare. I can afford a baby, but shelling out thousands for treatments that don't guarantee a successful pregnancy is another matter.

Please keep our families in your thoughts and prayers during this transition time. Lots of changes, but I pray that everything will one day fall into place.

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Not so Patiently Waiting

“Patience is waiting. Not passively waiting. That is laziness. But to keep going when the going is hard and slow - that is patience.”

I don't recall praying for patience, but apparently, God decided that I needed a good healthy dose of it! I'm now surrounded by the need for patience, but I'm just not a good "waiter". Earlier this week, I stopped by the local Wal-Mart to pick up a few necessities on my way home from work. Dressed in my usual work attire--black dress pants, somewhat pressed shirt and heels--I was a woman on a mission. I carried the little blue basket directly to the toothpaste aisle, the shampoo aisle and then on to the bread aisle. As I was trucking from Health and Beauty over to the Grocery side of the store, I heard a woman's voice yell out, "Hey you! Hey! Hey you!" I ignored the voice and kept walking. A few seconds later, the same voice bellowed, "HEY YOU IN THE ORANGE SHIRT!" Aw crap! The last time a stranger flagged me down in the middle of Wal-Mart, it was to tell me that my skirt was tucked in my pantyhose. What on earth could I have done this time? I turned around to see a woman in her fifties, maybe sixties, wearing an obnoxious red floral print blouse with yellow polyester pants and blue eyeshadow. "Awfully nice of Wal-Mart to let crazies like you jog around the store a pretend to be shopping. Bet you save a lot of money not paying for a gym." Startled, I was absolutely speechless. I uttered "Sure", faked a smile and darted off in the opposite direction. I didn't even bother to pick up the bread. Once I got to the car, I began thinking...I'm not a rude shopper, or at least I try not to be. I didn't cut anyone off, push past anyone or even brush against anyone while in the store. What did I do that irritated her so much? I was in a hurry. Then, it hit me. I'm always in a hurry. I can't even begin to remember the last time that I waited in the checkout line, in traffic or even at work without wishing someone or something would hurry the heck up. Hmmm...

My impatience carries over into our ttc efforts. I want a baby yesterday. Since stress can negatively impact fertility, I've also been doing yoga three times a week. Again, I'm still waiting (not so patiently) for a bfp, but I can definitely tell a difference in my general attitude. Bend, Breathe and Conceive has been a godsend! I've tried a few yoga videos in the past through Netflix, and absolutely hated the low budget, cheesy performances (i.e. a room full of spandex-clad twenty-somethings with fake boobs who talk through the whole video). BB&C has only one instructor, Dr. Anna Davis--a middle-aged REAL woman--who uses voice-over to communicate with participants. Dr. Davis also includes an AWESOME introduction explaining the physiology of stress and how it impacts fertility--The intro. alone is worth checking out the video.

As I mentioned before, this was my first cycle using FertilAid instead of Clomid. Opk's confirmed that I ovulated this month. Yea! However, I'm now on cd 35, af's nowhere in sight and today's hpt was negative. While I'm not yet comfortable declaring FertilAid to be a miracle, it did at the very least, induce ovulation. I'm curious to see how my second cycle goes. I'll keep you all posted!

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FertilAid

As I mentioned in a previous post, Matt and I are taking a break from Clomid this month to try FertilAid, an herbal product designed to "promote hormonal balance and reproductive wellness". I'm not one to jump on the bandwagon for every infertility gimmick out there (and there are TONS), but I've read some great reviews on FertilAid and have decided that it's worth a shot. I've now taken the pills for 3 days without any adverse side effects and am anxious to see how the rest of my cycle goes. The pills themselves are pretty big, but since the actual medicine/supplements/whatever you want to call them are tucked away inside a nice tasteless capsule, I don't mind taking them. That's a great change from clomid since the tiny pills sometimes begin to melt in your mouth before you have a chance to swallow them. Anyway, so far so good this month. I'm hoping and praying that FertilAid is the miracle that we've been waiting for!

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Waiting for AF

I finally broke down and took an hpt on Friday...another bfn (at 15 dpo). So now, I'm just waiting (quite impatiently) for af to arrive. I've had a strange cramping sensation in the top part of my stomach today so I'm sure the witch isn't too far away. We're taking a break from Clomid during the next cycle so I can try FertilAid. Four months on Clomid and no bfp yet, so a month off won't be that big of a deal. I'll keep you posted on the FertilAid. Hopefully, it will lead to a miracle!

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