Not so Patiently Waiting

“Patience is waiting. Not passively waiting. That is laziness. But to keep going when the going is hard and slow - that is patience.”

I don't recall praying for patience, but apparently, God decided that I needed a good healthy dose of it! I'm now surrounded by the need for patience, but I'm just not a good "waiter". Earlier this week, I stopped by the local Wal-Mart to pick up a few necessities on my way home from work. Dressed in my usual work attire--black dress pants, somewhat pressed shirt and heels--I was a woman on a mission. I carried the little blue basket directly to the toothpaste aisle, the shampoo aisle and then on to the bread aisle. As I was trucking from Health and Beauty over to the Grocery side of the store, I heard a woman's voice yell out, "Hey you! Hey! Hey you!" I ignored the voice and kept walking. A few seconds later, the same voice bellowed, "HEY YOU IN THE ORANGE SHIRT!" Aw crap! The last time a stranger flagged me down in the middle of Wal-Mart, it was to tell me that my skirt was tucked in my pantyhose. What on earth could I have done this time? I turned around to see a woman in her fifties, maybe sixties, wearing an obnoxious red floral print blouse with yellow polyester pants and blue eyeshadow. "Awfully nice of Wal-Mart to let crazies like you jog around the store a pretend to be shopping. Bet you save a lot of money not paying for a gym." Startled, I was absolutely speechless. I uttered "Sure", faked a smile and darted off in the opposite direction. I didn't even bother to pick up the bread. Once I got to the car, I began thinking...I'm not a rude shopper, or at least I try not to be. I didn't cut anyone off, push past anyone or even brush against anyone while in the store. What did I do that irritated her so much? I was in a hurry. Then, it hit me. I'm always in a hurry. I can't even begin to remember the last time that I waited in the checkout line, in traffic or even at work without wishing someone or something would hurry the heck up. Hmmm...

My impatience carries over into our ttc efforts. I want a baby yesterday. Since stress can negatively impact fertility, I've also been doing yoga three times a week. Again, I'm still waiting (not so patiently) for a bfp, but I can definitely tell a difference in my general attitude. Bend, Breathe and Conceive has been a godsend! I've tried a few yoga videos in the past through Netflix, and absolutely hated the low budget, cheesy performances (i.e. a room full of spandex-clad twenty-somethings with fake boobs who talk through the whole video). BB&C has only one instructor, Dr. Anna Davis--a middle-aged REAL woman--who uses voice-over to communicate with participants. Dr. Davis also includes an AWESOME introduction explaining the physiology of stress and how it impacts fertility--The intro. alone is worth checking out the video.

As I mentioned before, this was my first cycle using FertilAid instead of Clomid. Opk's confirmed that I ovulated this month. Yea! However, I'm now on cd 35, af's nowhere in sight and today's hpt was negative. While I'm not yet comfortable declaring FertilAid to be a miracle, it did at the very least, induce ovulation. I'm curious to see how my second cycle goes. I'll keep you all posted!

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FertilAid

As I mentioned in a previous post, Matt and I are taking a break from Clomid this month to try FertilAid, an herbal product designed to "promote hormonal balance and reproductive wellness". I'm not one to jump on the bandwagon for every infertility gimmick out there (and there are TONS), but I've read some great reviews on FertilAid and have decided that it's worth a shot. I've now taken the pills for 3 days without any adverse side effects and am anxious to see how the rest of my cycle goes. The pills themselves are pretty big, but since the actual medicine/supplements/whatever you want to call them are tucked away inside a nice tasteless capsule, I don't mind taking them. That's a great change from clomid since the tiny pills sometimes begin to melt in your mouth before you have a chance to swallow them. Anyway, so far so good this month. I'm hoping and praying that FertilAid is the miracle that we've been waiting for!

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Waiting for AF

I finally broke down and took an hpt on Friday...another bfn (at 15 dpo). So now, I'm just waiting (quite impatiently) for af to arrive. I've had a strange cramping sensation in the top part of my stomach today so I'm sure the witch isn't too far away. We're taking a break from Clomid during the next cycle so I can try FertilAid. Four months on Clomid and no bfp yet, so a month off won't be that big of a deal. I'll keep you posted on the FertilAid. Hopefully, it will lead to a miracle!

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Operation HPT: Mission Impossible

It's almost test time again! Usually, around 10 days after ovulation, I venture out to one of our local Dollar Trees to pick up three New Choice home pregnancy tests (they're very sensitive and only cost a buck!). From prior experience, I've devised a short list of rules for purchasing hpt's...

1. Never visit the same store two months in a row.
2. Before entering the store, case the parking lot for any familiar vehicles.
3. Upon entering the store, grab a basket and head for the nearest aisle.
4. Briskly walk along the back wall of the store checking to make sure that there are no familiar faces.
5. Pick up at least two "cover" items.
6. Stash three pregnancy tests under the "cover" items just in case.
7. Scan the checkout lines for the ideal cashier...a teenage/young adult guy, preferably one busy texting even though it's against company policy. If he's not working, head for the little old man who's dentures keep falling out of his mouth.

For those of you who have been actively ttc for more than 6 months, you understand the importance of the Rules. For the rest of you, I'll elaborate. Purchasing one or two pregnancy tests a year won't make headlines. However, purchasing one, two or ten pregnancy tests a month on a regular basis is sure to raise some eyebrows. Matt and I have only told four people (including the doctor) that we're ttc so it's important that I avoid the slew of questions that would surface if nosy Aunt Kathy just happened to see me buying three hpt's at one time. On the same note, store cashiers hardly ever pay attention to customers, but if you frequent the same store and only purchase hpt's, your face is destined to be engrained in their minds. It's also important to choose your cashier wisely. Before I developed the Rules, I endured two life-altering shopping experiences.

I was in a hurry and jumped in the check-out line of a teenage girl who couldn't have been more than 16 years old. As she scanned the hpt's, she paused, looked at me and announced to the world, "Wow! You don't look pregnant! Are you going to keep it? If you aren't, a friend of mine knows this great doctor, well I guess he's not really a doctor, but she knows this guy up on 8th Street who really helped her out when she got in trouble." I nearly passed out on the spot! I was 28 years old and was even wearing my wedding band for pete's sake! Luckily, no one I knew heard her, but the gentleman behind me choked back laughter. Red-faced and mortified, I walked back to my car.

The second experience was just two short months later at a different store. Hoping to avoid another embarrassing moment, I slinked into the check-out line of a woman, probably in her mid-to-late sixties. I thought to myself that she would surely have some respect and honor my privacy. I thought wrong. As she scanned my purchases, she too paused. "You know you wouldn't need to buy these things if you'd keep your legs together!" I looked down and realized that I had left my wedding band next to the kitchen sink where I had been washing dishes. Married or not, the cashier's statement was inappropriate. Fuming, I headed straight for the store manager who assured me that she would take care of the situation. Angry and humiliated, I staggered back to my car and began to jot down what has since become the Rules.

Back to yesterday...

Since the Rules were developed, I've been very lucky. No more crazy cashiers. No more loud speaker announcements about abortions. No more inappropriate assumptions. Yesterday, I followed the Rules perfectly, but I left the store empty handed. When I was ready to check out, I made a beeline for the elderly man's line. As soon as it was my turn to check out, Mr. Cashier went on break. To my horror, he was replaced with Suzy, a gossipy girl that I went to high school with ages ago. Operation HPT had been compromised! While Suzy was fiddling with the cash drawer, I tossed the hpt's into the candy bar rack. Thankfully, she was oblivious to the fact that I had cut my order in half in less than 3 seconds. I left the store with a bottle of toilet cleaner and a Snickers bar.

So, no testing for me today. I'll attempt Operation HPT again tomorrow!

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Freebies and Special Offers

I have added a new section for PCOS and fertility related freebies and special offers. Just click on the "Promotions" tab on the right to see what is currently available. If you know of any other great offers, please let me know so I can add them.

Thanks!

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